Magister Militum Flavius Stilicho was the last great hero of the
Western Roman Empire. At a time when all of the noble Patrician fat cat
losers around him were busy being a bunch of obnoxious, lazy,
back-stabbing sycophants more obsessed with slaves, jewelry, and
top-shelf hair products, this old-school stoic honor-bound
barbarian-smiting warhammer of Imperial justice was out there proving
that even though she was dying and decaying from the inside, the blood
of Caesar, Scipio, Marius, and Agrippa still coursed through the veins
of Roman Empire. He rose from the rank-and-file of the Roman Legions to
serve on the Emperor’s bodyguard, marry the Emperor’s daughter, take
command of all Roman armed forces, and then defended the Eternal City
from barbarian invaders at the gates not once but twice despite being
underfunded, outnumbered, and having every single logistical problem in
the Ancient World kicking him in the balls every time he tried to take a
leak. In twenty years of military service to the Empire this dude
fought off unstoppable hordes of rampaging enemy soldiers with a handful
of legionnaires cobbled together at the last minute, and he defended
the realm without ever sacrificing his personal honor or his duty to the
Emperor. Nowadays he goes down in history as the last great warrior of
Rome, and his tragic death marks the end of the Western Empire as we
know it.
