ΡΑΓΙΣΜΕΝΗ ΚΑΡΔΙΑ

Dear Lady and The Scamp,

My boyfriend broke up with me two years ago and I still can't get over him. The reason he ended it was really pathetic and a week later he was begging for me back. He repeatedly texted and rang, telling me how much he loved me and could not live without me. I wanted him to regret breaking up with me for such a stupid reason, so I let him grovel. I thought it would go on until I forgave him but he got fed up and moved on. He started seeing another girl and ignored me completely. It didn't bother me too much as I assumed they wouldn't be together for long as he loved me so much, right? Wrong. They've been together for two years but have now recently broken up. Now I want him back, but how do I go about it? I don't want to seem desperate by texting him first but he's taking his time texting me. I really think we're made for each other and I haven't found anyone like him at all! Please help?


Caren

Christine says:
Oh dear, this is a classic. The problem with the old ‘grovel test’ is it’s quite a skilful balancing act. I can see why you wanted him to come crawling under the circumstances but as you found, if you leave him too long, there will be a point where the groveler’s self-respect kicks in and he goes: ‘why am I still down here?’

It’s a bit like Deal or No Deal: it’s fine for you to rebuff the majority of the offers made and pretend you can’t be got cheap, but the trick is to know the right time to deal so you don’t go home with nothing.  Pushing it right to the wire could turn out in your favour but it’s statistically unlikely. The chances are you’ve missed your moment and you’ll leave with the 1p and a patronising hug from Noel Edmonds.

The biggest mistake a woman can make is thinking that if a man loves her, he will love her forever regardless of how many times she turns him down. Men are inherently quite practical and although they can wallow dramatically on the sofa with a box of tissues and a Lion bar like the best of us, they are also masters of moving on. Most women have experienced the sight of a guy on his knees crying, begging and saying he’ll never love again, only for 10 days later to be seen merrily getting off with Joanne from Accounts.
So now what? It’s your turn to grovel I’m afraid. I doubt he’ll be interested in coming to you first as he’s probably still got the gravel from your drive imbedded in his knees, so if you really want him back you’ll have to contact him. Or you could confess undying love via a teatime game show. But to be honest, I don’t like your chances.

Kevin says:
Well he hasn’t sent you a text for two years, so if you’re waiting for the phone to vibrate you could be hanging around a long time (i.e. forever). If your ex still liked you, you’d expect the odd communication lapse – like a birthday message or a rambling drunken text about him missing the smell of your pyjamas. But this dude has given you nothing.

I don’t fully agree with Christine about men’s ability to forget their exes - “moving on” is a different thing to “getting over” someone. And if you really were the love of his life, you should still be able to dig away and dredge up all his old feelings for you... maybe this new girl was always second best.

But sometimes men confuse “I love her” with “I love sex with her”, or even just “I love sex”. So perhaps when he was begging to get back with you, he was merely begging not to be alone. And as soon as he found someone else, he didn’t need you anymore.

Either way, it’s definitely you that needs to get in touch. If he’s recently single, there’s a good chance he’ll snap up the chance of a rebound shag. But you want more than that. So why not meet him just as a friend, and see if you can rekindle the old flame that way.
Bear in mind that his phone might be busy a lot – he’s probably grovelling to the other girl as we speak…

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